An STI(D) diagnosis and your pleasure

My goodness, it's been a while! Happy New Year everyone! Thank you for starting the year right - with me. Today I chose to revisit the topic of STI(D)s because I would like us to start the new year with positive mindsets and safe sex practices. This post will also serve as a reminder that having an STI/STD is not a death sentence to your sex life and that you can still enjoy sex just as much.

In the TV show Workin' Moms, there's a scene where this guy discovers that he has chlamydia. He first confronts his ex-wife who denies giving it to him then he calls his current new partner. She expresses how bad and 'dirty' she felt for giving it to him, and that she didn't know she had it. He responds by telling her that she shouldn't feel dirty, "no one feels dirty from getting a cold. It's like getting a cold in your pants." Excited, he shouts, "COME TAKE CHLAMYDIA DRUGS WITH ME AND BE MY GIRLFRIEND!" I thought it was romantic.

Here are some important things to remember (in no particular order):

1. It is not always possible to work out who you got the STI from.

2. Your sexual health is your responsibility, not your partner's.

3. STIs don't make you 'dirty' or unworthy of sexual pleasure.

4. Being in a long-term relationship does not exempt you from getting tested.

5. Disclosure! Disclosure! Disclosure!

Your responsibility, not your partner's

Being asymptomatic or having an asymptomatic partner is not grounds for you to declare yourself STI-free. Some STIs can go undetected until it's too late so it is important to get tested regularly. You can discuss the cost with your healthcare provider or, alternatively, visit Marie Stopes South Africa.

You cannot always rely on your partner(s) to be honest about their statuses, and that's why you should always protect yourself by using barrier methods - condoms and dental dams (for oral sex) - and getting tested. That being said, if you do suspect or have gotten an STI diagnosis, you should always inform your most recent and/or current partner(s) so they can also get tested and treated if necessary.

You're not dirty or unworthy of sexual pleasure

We need to understand that being sexually active comes with its own risks. STIs are very common. According to the World Health Organization (WHO, 2019), more than 1 million STIs are acquired every day worldwide. One million. Every day. However, just because it is something that "happens" doesn't mean we should rid ourselves of the responsibility of protecting ourselves and each other.

The stigma around STIs is problematic and is especially debilitating when it is internalized. If you cannot accept your own diagnosis then it may be difficult to protect others because you won't be able to disclose your status to sexual partners. You may also feel too ashamed to visit a clinic or your doctor and, without treatment (or poor adherence to it), may succumb to the disease.

STIs caused by viruses can be managed but not cured. What this means is that you may be looking at a lifetime of "outbreaks" under stressful conditions or when your immune system is weakened. Perfect examples of such infections are cold sores and genital herpes (both caused by the herpes simplex viruses), and genital warts caused by HPV. These outbreaks can be managed medically and/or non-medically (self-care, resting, and a healthy diet). With such, and of course HIV, one has to learn to live with them and that requires a healthy and stable emotional support structure/system.

An STI doesn't end your sex life. After acceptance comes precautions. A herpes outbreak can announce itself through itchiness or pain before the actual bumps show, it helps to be aware of these warning signs so you can stay clear from skin-to-skin contact until the bumps go away. Genital warts don't announce themselves so I would recommend regular examination of the vulva. Grab those mirrors, vulva owners!

If you are on treatment, wait until you finish your course before engaging in sexual activity again. Always use condoms.

Disclosure! Disclosure! Disclosure!

Disclosing your status is all part of informed consent. If after disclosure, your new or long-term partner makes it their job to constantly make you feel shitty and dirty, then they have broken your trust and you must put yourself and mental health first.

I just want to quickly remind everyone of the U=U (Undetectable=Untransmissable) in the HIV context. People who are virally suppressed (undetectable levels of the virus), adherent to their HIV treatment, can have unprotected sex without the risk of passing the virus on and have babies born without the virus. The U=U campaign is based on scientific evidence on how effective HIV treatment is if taken properly every day. See this brochure to understand this better.

Remember, stigma spreads fear, not facts. Live a healthy life by protecting yourself and protecting others. Use condoms, get tested and take your treatment as instructed. Take care of your mind too. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.