Compliments of the New Year everyone! Welcome back! I am finally delivering this long-awaited and highly anticipated post on squirting!!! Before we begin, I’d like to thank everyone who submitted their responses, thank you for trusting me with them. And most of all, thank you for your patience and returning to this platform, you’re all amazing! Let’s pick up from where we left off, shall we?
Going through the responses I got, and from general sex conversation, I have picked up that there is some uncertainty regarding the difference between orgasm, ejaculation, and squirting. Consequently, these terms, especially the latter two, are usually used interchangeably while they are completely different things. So, let’s get the terminology right before we get to the exciting bit…
Orgasm is the point of reaching climax during sexual arousal. This is commonly experienced in the genitals with involuntary vaginal contractions, but can also be a full-body experience characterised by a release of intense energy.
Ejaculation is the release of thick and whitish fluid from the vagina - ‘cum’, if you will. This helps lubricate the vagina and vulva, making sex all so delicious and slimy as we should know it. A woman may ejaculate before, during, or after orgasm.
Squirting, on the other hand, comes out of the urethra (the same place where urine comes out) which brings about a whole debate on whether it’s urine or not - this we’ll get through in a bit. Squirt is a more diluted watery fluid with no lubrication function and like ejaculation, can happen before, during, or after an orgasm.
Just to recap, these were the questions I asked in my little survey:
Do you think squirting is something that really happens?
Do you think you have squirted before?
When you squirted, were you with a partner or alone?
Do you squirt during penetrative or non-penetrative sex (or both)?
Do you squirt with or without the use of sex toys?
Do you think squirting is the same as having an orgasm?
If you have squirted before, how would you describe your experience?
What concerns do you have about squirting?
What questions and/or comments do you have about squirting?
To answer questions 1 to 6, majority said they don’t believe that squirting is an actual thing and of those who believe it exists, most weren’t sure if they have squirted before. Majority squirted during partner sex, with no preference of one form of sex (penetrative or nonpenetrative) over another.
I just want to touch a bit on some of these responses. Just like the existence of the G-spot area (GSA), it is not surprising that squirting remains elusive to some women. There are a number of possible reasons for this and I think the main one may be the origin of the fluid (are we peeing during sex and calling it squirting?), but let me not get ahead of myself 🤭.
From the information I’ve gathered from various sources, including podcasts and conversations with other people, a lot of women squirt during solo sex. This may be because they tend to be more relaxed, comfortable, and explorative in the absence of their partners. And this doesn’t necessarily mean that their partners put them under pressure or that partner sex isn’t satisfying for these women. Sometimes, it’s just inherent insecurities and the subconscious fear of making a mess, no matter how much reassurance you get from your partner.
Now, let’s get to the juicy stuff...
If you have squirted before, how would you describe your experience?
“It feels like urinating, but also feels very pleasurable”
“Squirting usually happens while I’m at the climax of my orgasm. In fact, my orgasm is more intense when I squirt as well. Simply put, it feels like I’m releasing something and it feels amazing”
“I remember feeling this intense need to bear down, like I was about to pee (this happened while I was riding my pillow and using a vibrator for clitoral stimulation). The build-up was so intense and it outweighed the fear of ‘peeing’ on my pillow and bed. So, I relaxed completely (as opposed to contracting my pelvic floor muscles when I climax) and next thing I knew, my bed was soaking wet! It did smell like pee so I was a bit disturbed by that, but the release felt so good I thought it was worth it. After orgasm, I usually crave more stimulation (clitoral or penetration) and never feel like I’ve had enough. With squirting, however, I just felt free and light” - This may or may not have been me 😉.
“For me, it was one of the best yet painful (in the best way possible) feelings I have ever experienced. Truly ethereal”
“Out of this world 😭”
“Slightly embarrassed but I got used to it”
“At first I thought I was gonna have a usual orgasm but then, my partner just kept on going, and then it just happened. He noticed it before I could; I squirted and I didn’t even realise that, THAT’s what was happening. It felt like an out of body experiencenyana. Earth shattering, mind blowing, revolutionary feeling!”
Now, here’s what we know, the moment vernac “- nyana” joins the party, there’s heat, lots of it! It’s the best feeling when you’re just so in the moment that you’re oblivious to everything else happening… so sensual, I have your flowers, Queen!
“You basically have an orgasm then some liquid comes out of the vagina till your orgasm finishes. It’s a lot of liquid by the way”
What concerns do you have about squirting?
“The mess, smell, whether it is urine”
“I am firstly concerned about the mess it makes and secondly, I’m convinced there’s an element of pee in it”
“My concern was the ‘pee’ and mess afterwards”
“My sheets are now stained. As a Christian I was afraid of the spiritual implications like yohhh my clit is always throbbing so I need to get rid of that by masturbating and learn about what helps me reach my climax but at the same time I’m like ‘does God approve?’”
“Can you pee and squirt at the same time?”
“Yes definitely [worried about] the mess and I feel like it’s pee, I guess that’s where the embarrassment comes from”
“The aftermath is not the prettiest”
“Not really concerned, it dries faster than pee”
Most of these concerns overlap with the questions so I'll address them below.
What questions and or comments do you have about squirting?
Is it pee?
This is a very common question, one that I had for the longest time as well. After my squirting experience I was also looking for answers because surely, if it smells like urine, and comes out of the urethra instead of the vagina, it must be pee? The more I read, the more confused I got. There were a lot of conflicting search results. So, I tried a little experiment of my own (because I am a science graduate after all 😉) and peed right before I started masturbating again. I squirted again and yes, it still smelled a bit like urine. So, like most women, I thought: Nope, I’m not about to pee on my partner’s beautiful face. But I really, really want to experience that again because the level of fulfillment was unmatched. I guess I needed this post as much as everyone else.
So, I read a book called Female Ejaculation & The G-spot by Deborah Sundahl to help me answer your questions (and mine) the best way I can. She’s an expert on the topic with 35 years of experience under her belt so we definitely listen when she talks!
This question has been around for longer than we can possibly imagine and in an attempt to answer it, scientists went on and conducted experiments. They did a biochemical analysis of urine and squirt fluid. Not only did they find that these fluids had different compositions, but they also found that the components of squirt fluid, particularly prostate-specific antigen (PSA), were comparable to those in men. PSA is naturally produced by the prostate, which we know from biology and anatomy taught in school as a gland found in males only. So if only males have it, why would the PSA levels in squirt fluid be raised? An even better question, why are they detected at all?
Now, what if I told you that both males and females have the prostate? You probably think I’m nuts, I thought Deborah was reaching when she spoke about this with Dr. Moali in the Sexology podcast. It sounded ridiculous, but then I had to take a step back and ask myself why it is so hard for me to believe or wrap my head around this. I mean, we know already that male and female genitalia are homologous/similar in their origin (i.e., come from the same undifferentiated tissue). Examples of these are, and are not limited to, the clitoris & penis, ovaries & testes, labia (‘lips of the vulva’) & scrotum. A prostate in females (or maybe a version of it?) doesn’t seem too far-fetched now, does it?
So it is believed that, just like the male urethra, erectile tissue surrounds the female urethra (i.e., paraurethral tissue) and is said to have a common embryological origin (or is homologous to) the prostatic tissue in males. This tissue in females is located at the roof of the vagina, commonly referred to as the ‘G-spot’ (we now know that ‘G-spot area’ is more accurate) and contains the Skene’s glands & ducts, the presumed source of the ejaculate. The fluid will likely appear as watery and clear, may be odorless, taste salty or sweet depending on where the woman is in her menstrual cycle. The slight smell of urine may be attributed to urine residue in the urethra, but some researchers have argued that urine forms part of the fluid but is not the only component. So, in a nutshell, squirting is not peeing. Emptying your bladder just before sex may help make you feel at ease, if there’s fluid expelled then you can be sure it’s not pee.
How can I make myself squirt? Should I drink a lot of water before sex?
People have written whole books on how to squirt (or increase your chances of squirting) by using tools such as mindfulness and knowing which sex positions work best. So, to answer this I'll try to be as concise as possible.
Before you read any further, please remember the following: having expectations and goals in mind tends to put pressure on us and hinders the ability to have a wholesome and pleasurable sexual experience. Tristan Taormino, author of The Secrets of Great G-spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation writes:
“Don’t go into the experience insisting you must enjoy [GSA] stimulation and it must make you come [and/or squirt]. That’s a recipe for disaster [...] Be open to new sensations and different feelings and be willing to go wherever the sexual experience takes you.”
AND
"The first step for [squirting] is to give yourself permission. [Squirting] includes a very strong emotional and psychological component. You need to relax and go with the flow. This also means letting go of fear and anxiety. If you're tense or anxious, chances are you won't [squirt]. Ignore the voices in your head that may say it is weird or abnormal. Don't hide this unique part of you. Embrace your sexual power and celebrate it."
You can squirt from clitoral stimulation only, penetration only, or both. The key thing is experiencing maximal arousal, and most prefer penetration - (a) finger(s), sex toys, or penis - because of the direct stimulation to the G-spot area (GSA). A common mistake that is made is trying to stimulate the GSA from the very beginning of sex, the main problem with this is that you will probably not be hitting the ‘right spots’ on that day and either you or your partner spend minutes trying to stimulate the area. Now hands are tired and there’s a lot of frustration because you’re not feeling any satisfaction.
The reason it is called the GSA and not just ‘G-spot’ anymore is because the ‘spot’ changes from time to time - today your most sensitive area might be just the tip of the finger’s worth of penetration but tomorrow the finger might need to be advanced further into the vagina in order to reach that sensitive area. So it’s not a fixed spot and the best way to find this area is when you are already aroused. The Skene’s glands fill with the fluid when a woman is aroused and the urethral sponge begins to swell. The swelling is what makes the GSA more prominent and more sensitive to stimulation. It is important to remember that we experience pleasure differently so do whatever you or your partner(s) find most arousing (lots of it!) - dirty talk, nipple play, clitoral play, sensual massages, and so on - before penetration and direct stimulation of the GSA.
“G-spot stimulation ups the intensity so much, but it also is a signal to me that I’ve hit a richer level of arousal. If I’m not ready for it yet, pressing against my G-spot feels unpleasant and annoying. But once I’m turned on enough for it, it offers a very deep, rumbling, emanating, inviting, powerful, erotic connection to my body and my sensuality” - The Secrets of Great G-spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation
Once the GSA is found, the tricky part is maintaining the stimulus because the hand will get tired and we tend to grow impatient. Constant rubbing motions (circular, patterns, ‘come here’ gestures with the index finger, or whatever works for you or your partner) will often result in that ‘urge to pee’ sensation. When this happens, we tend to tense up, contract our pelvic floor muscles to ‘hold the pee in’ and this, in turn, prevents the expulsion of fluid. To ride this wave of pleasure, it is crucial to stay completely relaxed, remind yourself that you peed before sex so you're not about to pee, try not to contract your muscles. I know, it’s easier said than done and that’s why sex is a practice. When the urge to pee gets really strong, bear down gently (seriously, don't force or strain) and if nothing comes out, continue with the stimulation and work your way back up. Try not to be frustrated or impatient.
You do actually need to be hydrated for your body to produce any fluid. But, try to stay hydrated throughout the day and not only gulp down water or other fluids right before sex.
I’m not sure if I’ve ever squirted before but before orgasm I feel the urge to pee and then I guess I stop it. But after sex I feel very wet. Is that squirting?
As previously mentioned, the ‘urge to pee’ is a tell-tale sign of squirting.
Feeling very wet after sex may be one of many things. What differentiates ejaculate coming out of the vagina and squirt fluid is the consistency - ejaculate is white/creamish, thick and a bit sticky, and usually settles on/around the vaginal opening. The reason some women don’t know they’re squirting is that the strength/tone of the pelvic floor muscles determines the force with which the fluid is pushed out/expelled. In those with less strong muscles, the fluid tends to be subtle and gushes out (the ‘gushers’) or dribbles (the 'dribblers'), and it tends to come out more dramatically in those with much stronger muscles (the ‘squirters’). Dribblers may not feel the expulsion and may only take note of it after sex, either between their thighs or leaving a wet spot on the sheets, couch, etc. I also believe that the quality of the sexual stimulus and differences in arousal determines the force and amount of fluid expelled.
Perhaps the follow-up question would then be: “How do I strengthen my pelvic floor muscles?” and the simple answer is: kegel exercises.
Can everyone squirt? Is it normal not to squirt? Are some females naturally sensitive than others?
Everyone has the potential to squirt. Like orgasms, some people can squirt every time they have sex, some not all the time, and some don’t at all. All these instances are perfectly normal because we all experience sex differently. What hinders most women though is worrying about “peeing”.
How is it different from orgasm? Can you only squirt if you orgasm? Can you squirt but not orgasm?
Orgasm is the point of reaching climax during sexual arousal. This is commonly experienced in the genitals with involuntary vaginal contractions, but can also be a full-body experience.
Squirting, on the other hand, comes out of the urethra. Squirt is a more diluted watery fluid with no lubrication function and it can happen before, during, or after an orgasm. It can also happen without orgasm.
How can I embrace it and not feel bad about it?
Things you can try to ease your concerns:
Pee before sex
Have designated sheets (e.g., waterproof) or towels
Disposable linen savers
Squirt blankets
Is it pleasurable?
I think from the previous responses we can deduce that it can be very pleasurable. Of course, experiences differ from one person to the next.
A case in point, someone gave this lovely comment within a question: “Do the contents of the liquid expelled really suggest that it’s urine? Because there is no way peeing feels that good.”
“I just think it’s a neglected part of the female orgasm and is only sort of gaining traction now, which is quite unfortunate because it seems like a great experience and not a lot of information is available as to how to get to that point of pleasure.”
I couldn’t agree more. It should be without question that squirting has been around since females started having sex 🤷🏾♀️, the problem is that it has always been pathologized or made seem like it’s abnormal/ a sign that something is wrong. I’m not certain how far back attempts to bring it to light date, but Grafenberg (the gynecologist whom the ‘G-spot’ is named after) in 1950 observed women during orgasm and wrote:
“In the course of sexual stimulation, the female urethra begins to enlarge and can be felt easily and the production of fluid is occasionally profuse [...] If there is an opportunity to observe the orgasm of such women, one can see that large quantities of clear transparent fluid are expelled not from the vulva, but out of the urethra in gushes. At first, I thought that the bladder sphincter had become defective by the intensity of the orgasm. Involuntary expulsion of urine is reported in sex literature. In the cases observed by us, the fluid was examined and it had no urinary character. I am inclined to believe that “urine” reported to be expelled during female orgasm is not urine, but only secretions of the intraurethral glands correlated with the erotogenic zones along the urethra in the anterior vaginal wall. Moreover, the profuse secretions coming out have no lubricating significance.”
Thanks to all the reading I had to do as part of my research for this post, I made changes to the G-spot section in one of my first posts, Cliteracy. I cringed the whole time while reading it because it was so poorly researched so please go check it out.
There's so much more I wanted to write about but this post is long enough. So, for completion's sake, I will follow up with tips on how to squirt without direct GSA stimulation/intercourse and the different sex positions for better access to the GSA. These, however, are reserved for subscribers only. I highly recommend that you subscribe now and don't miss out!
Thank you for your time, I hope this helped answer your questions and address your concerns. You can keep the conversation going by leaving a comment below. Enjoy the rest of your week!
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