"Friend, one day you and your partner will plan a perfect session. When you've explicitly talked about everything you'll do to each other, trust me, no [menstrual blood] will prevent you from getting the sex you were promised" - an experienced friend. Years later, no plans with any partner, just period cramps dealing with me around the same time I had written a pseudo-erotic piece, I had my second solo period sex. I slept so peacefully and didn't have to numb the pain with pills.
Period sex with a partner is still a fantasy of mine, however, I still do not think I am comfortable enough to bring it to life. I think I would be so caught up in the thought of making a sticky ruby mess that I wouldn't be able to enjoy the sex. I think though it also depends on how you define sex with a partner; if partner-sex has to end with a penis inside a vagina then you're likely to be as paranoid as I am.
To some women and their partners, the presence of menstrual blood doesn't put their sex lives on hold. It does, however, require them to put extra measures in place to make sure it is as stress-free as regular, non-period sex. Some even admit that they weren't always comfortable with having sex during their period.
What advice has been given to people who would like to have period sex at least once?
Lay a towel and consider having 'special' sheets
Protect your sheets and mattress from blood leaks by placing a thick, preferably dark, towel under you.
Keep wet wipes, a wet washcloth, or tissues within reach
These are for cleaning up after sex. I would advise you to skip the tissues because they won't be effective in cleaning up the blood that has stuck onto your/partner's skin. The wet wipes have to be alcohol-free and unscented so you don't hurt your vulva. PS. This should be part of your post-sex hygiene practice anyway.
Keep it missionary
The missionary position is said to eliminate or reduce the effects of gravity so it's likely to make the session less bloody. Listen, if you're already doing it, you might as well go all the way and make the experience all the more exciting. It is, however, also important to note that if you have period cramps you may experience discomfort with penetrative sex. Opt for more 'gentle' positions, including missionary, if that's the case. Spooning (laying on one side) has also been reported as the go-to position.
Shower sex
If you're not a huge fan of cleaning up, shower sex has been recommended for you. I don't know about you, but shower sex isn't as sexy as they make it seem on TV. It's so uncomfortable and not at all relaxing because one of the things that preoccupy my mind is getting my hair wet. I don't always have a shower cap so I can't be getting my hair wet, sorry. If it is your thing though, check out these tips and positions for a steamy shower session.
Have sex on your lighter days
If you and/or your partner are bothered by too much blood, this may be an option for you.
Keep it safe
Unfortunately, if your end goal isn't pregnancy, the presence of blood does not always take the possibility away. "The timing with which you have period sex" is important - sperm lasts 3-5 days in a woman's vagina and the egg, once released, lasts for 24 hours. This means that if you have a short cycle which may result in early ovulation and you have sex in the last days of your period, pregnancy is not impossible.
Sometimes it's possible to mistake bleeding between periods, which should always be checked by a medical professional, for your actual period. Spotting or breakthrough bleeding during ovulation may also be mistaken for menstrual blood. To prevent unwanted pregnancy, you may want to look into birth control methods that work for you and have a diary to keep track of your menstrual cycle.
Most STIs are transmitted via bodily fluids and the risk of transmitting blood-borne STIs, particularly hepatitis B and HIV, is increased during this time. Therefore, it is advised to keep using barrier methods such as condoms. If you and your partner have gone for an STI screen and want to ditch the condoms, that's also fine.
Consider replacing your tampon or menstrual cup with a menstrual disc
Unlike menstrual cups and tampons, menstrual discs are thinner, flexible, and can be kept on during penetrative sex.
Oral sex is sex
What a perfect opportunity for your partner to be a master of cunnilingus! They don't even have to worry about blood if you have a tampon, menstrual cup, or menstrual disc on.
What are the benefits of period sex?
Extra natural lubrication
Considering you don't pull out the tampon just before penetration, menstrual blood+arousal vaginal fluid = slippery bliss. Save those last few drops of lube for next time!
Hormones could work in your favour
Some women may experience increased libido in the days around ovulation, others during their period, and a good number of women may be aroused regardless of where they are in their cycle.
The rising oestrogen levels from day 3 of your cycle may leave you hot and bothered during your period. If you're comfortable, take advantage of this.
Say bye-bye to headaches and period cramps
Your brain releases feel-good hormones and endorphins - endogenous opioids/pain-killers during sex. Who needs the pharmacy when you can just have sex?
An orgasm takes things to the next level; menstrual cramps are caused by contractions of the uterus ('womb') to expel its inner layer during menstruation, and when a woman has an orgasm, the muscles of the uterus are thought to contract, too. So instead of experiencing on-going contractions and pain, the uterus contracts and pushes out its lining faster. And using the same logic, some doctors believe that this results in your menstrual blood getting out faster and sooner, making your period lighter and shorter. The best way to find out? Getting period orgasms!
Sex, in general, can also improve your mood and sleep.
It is important to keep in mind that not everyone is team lay a towel. If you are comfortable with period sex and your partner isn't, you don't have to feel deprived during your bleeding days - you have yourself and your pleasure is in your hands, literally. You should also be comfortable in having a conversation about period sex with your partner, this forms part of the complex discussion on consent prior to any sexual activity.
If you or your partner aren't comfortable with period sex, consider using blindfolds and exploring other erogenous zones, staying clear of the genital area. When you are really turned on, you can even try squeezing your legs tightly together while rocking your hips - you'd be surprised how effective these things are when you're turned on out of your mind. Alternatively, dry hump a pillow, the edge of your bed or bathtub, anything that will help you release the tension!
Thank you for choosing to learn with me and I hope you enjoyed today's post. If you would like to share your thoughts on period sex please do so in the comments section below, send me an email, or send a direct message on my social accounts. If you haven't yet, please subscribe below and be the first to know when I have published a new post.
Next week we'll be talking about orgasms and I plan on writing from your perspectives. So if you would like to make a contribution, follow me on Instagram and/or Twitter where I'll be asking some questions to make next week's post more interesting. Anonymity will be maintained, of course. Until then, stay safe, spread the love, and have a productive week ahead.
Below are the links I used for this post, please click on them if you'd like to learn more about period sex:
@Thabelo You know too well you won't hear the end of it 😄😏.
I'm kinda skeptical to try it too. I can't help but think about the mess and the smell. Although I would like to hear all about it once you've tried it with your partner 😉